Monthly Archives: January 2016

New Year’s Resolution

New Year’s Resolution


I very rarely make New Year resolutions, because like a lot of people, I never stick to it.

I lazed around the apartment on Friday with my first ever hangover headache from drinking two small glasses of red wine the night before. (I heard if you are prone to migraines you should steer clear of red wine. Well, I heard that on January 2nd and it didn’t help avoid the migraine on January 1st.) While lying on the couch with my fat fluffy cat snoozing on my stomach, I began to think about New Year’s resolutions. I am now in the “I need to lose weight” club, which I have been in for years but was in denial about.

I am taking a class at the YMCA to help me diverge from my path to diabetes. The class has been going on for 7 weeks and I have been so busy with the holidays and other things (which are a story for another day) that I have not had time to carve out even ten minutes of exercise time. I have failed miserably with my fat gram counting (thanks to the pecan pie from Goode Company’s Brazos Bottom Pecan Pie- to die for!- among other Christmas delights). Well, so what if it isn’t day one of the program, maybe 8 weeks will be the charm for me. With visions of pecan pie dancing in my head, I thought about what my goals will be.

(I would discuss my writing goals, but I don’t want to jinx it.)

January 2nd. Okay, so I let another day slip by. January 3rd and already 7:30 pm! Yikes! According to my sister Mercury goes into retrograde on Tuesday and I better get started on my exercise program before Tuesday (Jan 5th) or I will have a difficult time after that day. I run to grab my sweat pants, T-Shirt, shoes, etc. I find my 10 year old DVD of a stretching course and pop it into the DVD. Better late than never, right?
The class begins.
“I hate this! Why!? Why God, am I being punished for being a human on this Earth?!”
Huff puff.
“Which is left and which is right? Wait! I’m still thinking!”
“Slow down, lady, you’re going too fast!”
“Why me?!”
Huff puff.
Bell (my fat and fluffy cat) comes out to find out what all the racket is about and finds me on the floor. He decides to comfort me in my time of need, not seeing him, I roll over on him.
Standing up on one leg, holding the other to my buttock for a good thigh stretch, I lose my balance and kick Bell who was rubbing up against my standing leg. “Mrrreoow!” He flies off to find a safe spot in another room.
I’m crying now. Yelling at the lady that I can’t do 3 reps! Gulping water.
“I hate this! I hate this! I hate this!”
(If you can’t tell, I just really don’t like forced exercise.)
Finally the routine is over. I crawl to my room and change into pajamas, too exhausted to get a shower.
January 4th 5:30am. “Blast you fat cells! I want to sleep!” But I force myself to get up. I try the routine again. This time fast forwarding through all of the 3rd reps, to save time, and stop the constant complaining that seemed to escape my mouth.
January 5th (Doomsday) 5:30am. “I just want to sleep. Can’t I just sleep?” I hold my pillow like a life preserver, but it cannot save me from Mercury’s retrograde.
I force myself up, angry at the whole Solar System now… “I’ll show that planet whose going to let it rule her!” I do the stretching routine again, this time in the areas where one should squat on one leg with the other outstretched and then stand up only to go back down on the other leg… I stay close to the floor fairly crawling from side to side. Huff puff.
I did it! I couldn’t believe I did it three days in a row.

And what surprised me even more is that today I did it for the 5th day in a row. And today there was very little complaint and name calling coming from my mouth.

If anyone is having trouble with sticking to their exercise or resolution in general– blame Mercury and try again in 3 weeks when it is out of retrograde.